Sometimes there isn't much green to find.

My friend Alex hung himself. He's dead, and I recently found myself wanting to call him. I didn't. I wonder if, as in times before, I was feeling his need to talk. We seemed to share an energy awareness about when things in our lives were getting disrupted. He's dead, and it doesn't seem like anyone's looking to conduct a rite for him. Should I?

My mother's health is deteriorating, and I'm worried. I spent two days in New York, caring for her and making certain that all one of her home attendants had been stealing was only cash. It was, and to the tune of maybe a thousand dollars. My terror is that she will die, I will be in Ontario, my uncle will be in Florida, and it'll be Christmas morning for thieves in Brooklyn.

After nine months of constant daily contact and several trips to be together, things with Shana and I have ended. She broke it off because having a long-distance relationship was becoming too challenging, then begged to have me back, and tnot long after I fucked up in a spectacularly marvelous way. While I sensed some important differences between us, I also sensed more long-term potential with Shana than I have with any other woman since Cai. That in itself impresses me, but right now I'm a little distracted at what happened between my new best friend and I. I'm managing well (maybe 've learned something finally), but I love and miss her.

No, no greenery in all this. But I did lose ten pounds and bought a bike today.